Quotable Quotes

This is a list of funny, embarassing or idiosyncratic things our teachers say in class, compiled from my friends and family. Read, and send me some more if you can - one liners only.
1. Both of you three, get out.
2. Dont talk in front of my back.
3. Keep quiet until the principal passes away.
4. Why are you looking at the monkey when I am here?
5. Know or no know?
6. Bunsen Burner gives fire when you pass gas.
7. To have a good body we must make out daily.
8. Thank you, Mr. Health Inspector. Before we saw you, we didnt know what a cockroach looked like.
9. Open the window, let the climate in.
10. I will throw window out of you.
11. Give me a red pen of any colour.
12. You both stand in a straight circle.
13. To fly a kite, face wind and throw up.
14. Tell your mother to pack your bag or I will come at night and do it with her.
15. Those wishing to play must come with their balls in their hands.
16. Monitors not wearing their badges will be stripped.
17. Those wearing their caps around, turn your heads backwards.
18. Absentees, hands up.
19. Germs live in Germany.
20. Principal is rotating corridor.
21. When visiting, knock up door.
22. To become famous, hit sixers, like sachin.
23. To increase pressure in pipe, suck on it.
24. Girls and boys in two lines, rest of you in center.
25. My mobile is unbalanced, go buy a balance for it.
26. Find length of this ruler.
27. Pulley and rope have loose motion.
28. If you sleep in my class, I'll sleep with you.
29. I come to the class 2 weeks in a day.
30. Look at the figure on the board, not at my figure.
31. You are gettin INTO my nerves!!!!!

Friendship

If God gave us life, he also gave us the means to make life worth
living.One of his timeless gifts is friendship. It is one of of those
things in this world that can't be bought. Friendship is the
quintessential chameleon-it can be a breath of fresh air in an
extremely busy schedule, or a solid anchor ,aiding one in his routine
struggles.
Friendship has survived through the ages-it flourishes and
increases its sphere of influence everyday.For a sad and lonely
person,friendship is like a glowing light in the darkness-a beacon of
hope for the future.It is like adding a new coat of paint to an age
old,worn down fence. Friendship brings companionship, and with it
comes the reassuring feeling that wherever you are, you are never
alone.You know that somebody cares about you, and wants the best for
you..Sharing your frustration and disappointment with a friend takes a
lot of burden of your chest.Having a confidant helps you deal better
with life-and changes many of your paradigms about life.You learn to
'stop and smell the roses', and start appreciating the beauty of your
surroundings.
The presence of a friend who believes in you and what you stand
for increases self-confidence and shows you the positive side of
life.Two friends can feed off each others' confidence and take a firm
step forward in their day to day life. One of the truly wonderful
things about true friendship is that it is incorruptible. Having a
friend at some point of time has a definite impact on you and leaves
you changed in some way or the other, even if it ceases to
exist.Friendship rids us of many of our assumptions and phobias about
other people. If we have a phobia about someone and later get to know
them, in most cases we realise that all our fears and judgements were
completely unfounded and imaginary.Some people feel that they are
unique and different from everyone else, and also that they will never
be accepted socially. For them, a friend is like a life support-like a
breath of fresh air for a drowning man.The feelings that these people
experience when they are accepted by another person are
indescribable.They realise that they are not so different after all,
and that atleast one person thinks highly enough of them to be their
friend. There are people who face the world everyday behind a mask. In
the few hours they spend with their friends, they can rip the mask
away and be who they really are.
In my opinion, we shouldn't take our friends for granted,or
belittle our friendship with them-because we only realise the value of
something when we no longer possess it. Friendship is a rare jewel in
the treasures of life.It should be respected and celebrated.After all,
a friend in need is a friend indeed.

Sachin Tendulkar: A Moment Of Magic

Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. When he walks to the crease, a shudder runs
through the opposing team; imperceptible but definite, wary of the
coming destruction. There is that familiar feeling of powerlessness, and of
Deja Vu, as all their plans crumble before their very eyes.
The world's fastest bowler runs in and delivers a thunderbolt of a
short delivery; it is meant to intimidate Tendulkar, to rattle him a bit,
to remind him of who is in control. A step or two is taken outside
offstump, and the fiercest of square cuts is played; as the ball is
sent into the stands over backward point. The next ball is even
faster, pitched up on off and middle; designed to trap most good
batsmen in front of the wicket. Tendulkar unfurls the beautiful flick
shot; one of his own invention, and the ball is sent to the square leg
boundary with awesome power. The bowler cannot believe it, the
opposition is stunned into silence and the crowd is in raptures.
It is then that Tendulkar serves up his coup de grace; the
bowler-his confidence in shambles by now, runs in and bowls the
fastest of the three; on a good line and a very good length: nothing
but a defensive shot is possible for such a delivery. That is exactly
what Sachin does; he goes on the backfoot, and plays a defensive shot.
However, the ball is timed so well that it rockets past the mid on
fielder and reaches the boundary. This is the moment of magic; when
all Tendulkar fans, all cricket fans ,and even the opposition players see a
divine moment; this is the moment when God shows his own hand. These
three strokes are etched in the consciousness of thousands of Indian
fans and supporters, for it was with these three strokes that Sachin
wiped out that feeling of inferiority, that fear which Indians had
towards the Pakistan Cricket Team. He leveled the playing field, and
on that magical afternoon in Centurion, he produced the innings of a
lifetime.

India's Finest Captain

Who is India's finest captain? Well, to know the answer to this innocuous question, all you have to do is to jog down the memory lane and stop at a particular point 9 years ago. India vs Australia at The Eden Gardens, Kolkata. By the middle of the third day of the test match, India was in so bad a position that a draw was looking improbable, and a victory the stuff of imagination. Ticket sales threatened to drop to an almost negligible level. But at the end of the fifth day, only one name was being chanted in the stands-"Dada", "Dada",'"Dada". The world's greatest team had been stopped in its tracks and a world record string of victories was ended. Following on,India had won the test match. The Indian captain's name was Saurav Ganguly.
Considering that only a few months ago,the Indian team had been at the centre of a match-fixing scandal, and the Indian fans and supporters,felling cheated, had lost interest in the game and in th Indian team. But Dada, with his characteristic grittiness, determination and skill, healed these wounds over the next few years by building the Indian team into a strong unit ,full of self-belief.Unlike the teams of the 1990s, this team had no fear and didn't fall prey to self-doubt in foriegn conditions and pitches. By 2003, the best batting line-up in the world had been formed with some of the world's greatest batsmen rallying around Ganguly. India became a team to be feared and respected, and was soon amongst the top teams in the world. Series victories against Australia,Sri Lanka,Pakistan in Pakistan, and South Africa followed.The Natwest Trophy Final win was another toast to his leadership.India reached the World Cup finals  under his captaincy.
Ganguly was himself one of the mainstays of the team, scoring over 20000 runs in his international career. Even though he had a weakness against the short ball, he could successfully counter it and still play some magical innings. He was known as "The God of the Offside". However, the bottomline is that he was an aggressive captain who gave no quarter to the opposition. He was a great man and captain and will always be remembered fondly in India's cricketing circles.

Hero

He was their only hope. A glimmer of light in a sea of darkness, the sole upholder of good in a dark, evil world. He was the leader of the resistance, the only one that gave them a reason for being. He gave them the strength to go through the daily rigors, to brave the questioning tendrils of darkness. He gave them back their self-respect, their self- belief. He taught them to fight for what is right. He instilled in them that fighting spirit, the determination to face all odds for what they believed in.
He taught them how to love, and in loving him, they began to love themselves. He gave them a new lease of life. They began to believe that they could make their own destiny, despite whatever stood in their way. Their confidence, once crushed and played with, became their life force. He was their idol, their coach, their family. He was the symbol of resoluteness, of courage, of pride and humility. He restored the belief they once had in their values and traditions. He protected them from the bitter cold of evil with the warm and reassuring cloak of character. He was spoken of in hushed, awed whispers. Those who hadn't joined the battle hoped and prayed for his victory.
The future of the world rested on his shoulders. He bore the burden of future generations. It seemed too much an ask for one so young. He bore it unflinchingly, almost effortlessly. It was time for the final battle, the final confrontation. He fought for the right to live, the right to freedom. He battled for peace, for a beautiful world. He fought so that the future would be bright. He dreamt of a wonderful world, a place full of love, a place where thought and expression had equal freedom. He fought for everyone, because he loved everyone. He held the bastion of light, the everlasting torch of virtue. He vanquished the darkness. He lit up a weary, forlorn world. He transformed the lives of his people, and changed their dreams into reality. He sacrificed his life for them. He gave up his right to live, so that they and the future generations could enjoy the sunset everyday. He was a not a politician. He was not a preacher. He was a hero. He was their hero.

Soulmate

You are my soulmate. My friend, companion and guide. You are different from the others. You are there for me. You have always been there for me. Through the years, through all the trials and tribulations, good and bad, you have been there. You are as essential to me as the air I breathe. I need you. You have been the one constant factor in my life. You are like the sun, burning bright or dim on certain days, but always there.
You disregard my eccentric and erratic behavior. You accept it as you accept me, with all my faults and flaws. You don't really have to do it, you know-put up with me. You're hurting yourself and I am the cause of it. I take you for granted. I expect you to always be there for me. In doing so I have ignored you;I haven't seen you for who you are. You are a gem, a rare jewel, a shining example of character. You are the epitome of trust, patience and morality. You know, as I contemplate my behavior towards you; I begin to see the light; the answer is simple-I have nobody else. You are my family. I can be completely free with you.
When I am with you, I can remove the mask I show the world everyday, without being ashamed or frightened by it. When I am with you, I can stand up and declare with pride, that I am who I am. You have sustained and nourished my self-confidence. With the balm of love, you have healed my numerous wounds.You make my life worth living. Meeting you helps me live through every day. Please forgive me,for I have, knowingly or unknowingly, wronged you. I love your laugh, your fiery nature. When you smile, it lights up another day of my life. It makes me feel like everything's alright, and that the world is a wonderful place. I love you, and I will always be there for you. You are my soulmate.

Why The World Needs Superman

It's hard to remember a time before Superman. The world was a bleaker place. War and prejudice were a constant reminder of the failings of humanity. We fought over land, we fought over religion, we found numerous excuses to kill each other. Religious fanatics spread poison across the planet, committing acts that went against the teachings they claimed to uphold.
Then, out of nowhere, a being of vast power revealed himself to us. He didn't use his abilities to conquer us, he used them to help us. Suddenly the world began to change. Crime rates went down, nations made peace. Our home seemed to become a better place to live.
We called him Superman, a saviour from beyond the stars. An alien, who seemed more in touch with what it means to be human than any of us. Lois Lane claimed that the world didn't need him. A little ironic since without Superman, she wouldn't have been alive to write her prize-winning article.
Then he left, and the world fell in to chaos. Ms. Lane believes that we had become too dependent on the Man of Steel and perhaps she was right. But the blame doesn't lie with Superman, it lies with us. Superman never claimed to be a saviour, he never called himself a hero. We are the ones who put him on a pedestal, who called on him to save us time and time again…and he did so, without asking for any reward or recognition.
Many people resented him for leaving, believing that Superman was their property to use whenever they wished. Yes, we learned to fend for ourselves once he was gone, but that doesn't mean we didn't need him anymore.
Ms. Lane pointed to Earthly heroes – teachers, fire-fighters, doctors, the police. And they are heroes. But teachers retire, as do doctors and fire-fighters. We don't expect a policeman to walk the beat every day of his life without food or rest and nor should we expect the same of Superman.
Even with Superman around, people still died, disasters still happened. He couldn't be everywhere at once. But with Superman watching over us, people that should have died were saved and many disasters were prevented. We never expected Superman to show up at every single disaster. We knew that, despite his amazing abilities, he was still just one man. We hoped that he would be there, but we still approached situations under the assumption that he wouldn't. We didn't lose our survival instincts as you suggest Ms. Lane, we carried on as normal and Superman lent us a helping hand when he could.
He never said he was a god or a divine being. In fact, in many of the articles you wrote Ms. Lane, you quoted Superman as saying that he was no different than the fire-fighters and police. He was just a guy trying to help us.
Of course it's impossible to ignore the fact that Superman has some amazing gifts. He can fly, shoot fire from his eyes and lift entire mountains up over his head. A sprinter can run the 100 meters in under 10 seconds. Does that mean he should keep running when he's in his 60's or 70's just because it's a natural talent? Of course not.
Superman's departure is no different than a doctor who chooses to retire. Did the world really expect him to fly around saving us forever? The very fact that the world became a worse place when he left proves that we still need him. Without doctors, people would get sick and die. Without teachers, our children would be uneducated and have little or no future. And without Superman, hope disappears.
Yes, we do depend on him in some ways and perhaps we shouldn't. But we do need him, if only to show us the possibilities of our future. Wars stopped when he was around, but Superman didn't stop them. We did. In fact, Superman has maintained neutrality when it comes to conflicts between nations. Sure, he encouraged us to try to create peace, but he didn't do it for us.
When he returned, the world embraced him with open arms. Thousands of people stood in Metropolis, waiting outside the hospital to pray for him after he fell from the skies…it hardly seems like the actions of a world that hated him for leaving in the first place.
We need Superman, not to solve the world's problems, but as an example of what we can become if we endeavour to solve them ourselves. If he continues to help us, stopping great tragedies from occurring, then we should be grateful, but we shouldn't raise him to the level of a god just because he can put out a fire with his breath.
And if Superman should decide to call it a day and move on, then we should thank him for his efforts, but we shouldn't resent him…not after the many lives he has saved. We cannot be selfish, we cannot afford to be wrapped up in our own misguided perceptions of reality.
Superman never made us forget how to survive on our own. He didn't spoon-feed us with political statements. He saved us because he wanted to, not because we told him to. He is a symbol of what we can become and that's why we need him.
Someday, he may leave again and if that happens, we must make sure that we don't blame him for our own failings. If he leaves, we should use his legacy to inspire future generations, not use his departure as an excuse to drown ourselves in misery.
Why does the world need Superman? For the same reason people believe in God. To have the courage to do things ourselves, while knowing that there is someone there, watching over us. He may not always come when there's danger, but just knowing he's out there, somewhere gives us the strength to be greater than we think is possible and that is Superman's greatest gift to us.

Death Of A Student

Someone died yesterday. A student of MIT; a final year student of Printing Technology branch. The notice came in the morning lecture hours, and there was a service at 10.15 am  in the MIT Quadrangle. We came down to the service, most of us irritated at this disruption of our half hour break . There were muttered curses, partly at the institute, and partly at the idiot of a boy who had to choose this day to die, because of which precious time was to be wasted, time to be better spent in eating at the canteen, or chatting with friends, romance,  or indulging in interesting gossip. The sprinkling of us  that did arrive were busy laughing, chatting, basically waiting for the show to begin. There were a few speculations, too, regarding the  cause of death. " Suicide kiya hoga launde ne." " Nahin, maine toh suna hai ki love triangle tha."

        A professor of the Printing Technology Department put the whispers and hushed laughter to rest by clearing his throat. He went on to say that it was a very unfortunate demise, and that MIT had lost one of its budding engineers. He also said that the deceased was a good student. At this point, we must note that in today's world of cut-throat competition and one-upmanship, a person, once dead, is measured more by his achievements, be it monetary or in the field of academics, than his character. In an institute of high repute like our very own MIT, academic performance takes precedence. So it was that at the service, no mention was made about how the deceased was as a person. Nobody came to speak up for him, or to enunciate the good qualities and strength of character that he surely would have had. A passing mention was made of his parents, and their grief, which none of us could understand or comprehend. Then it was decided that we observe two minutes of silence for the dead student. The professor's few sentences had been too long; it was already time for 10.30 am classes. After praying for the boy's soul to rest in piece, we left the Quadrangle and went back to class, the service already forgotten and at the back of our minds, put there with practised nonchalance. The rapidly spinning Ferris wheel of MIT was back on course immediately, regardless of the fact that it had crushed another student's life under it. A lifetime of dreams shattered, a lifetime of love from ageing parents for their beloved son wiped out, shocked and disoriented friends left to pick up the pieces of a great friendship.

I left the Quadrangle, and went up for classes. on the way, I passed a friend. " Did you not go for the service?", I asked." No dude. Too boring. Why would i go? I didn't know him anyway. Now, have you done your workshop assignment?"
I marvelled at how quickly the world forgets; I saw the truth for the first time. Thoroughly disillusioned and melancholy, I went to class.

India VS Pakistan: The Cliffhanger

Finally, the big day has arrived. It's India vs Pakistan. I'm in my hostel TV room. The nerves have returned full force, after a 5-day gap. Dhoni wins the toss and decides to bat. I don't approve of the decision; India haven't lost a game chasing in this tournament, while they've lost one and drawn one after batting first, and having scored totals on either side of 300. At this moment, Dhoni discloses that Ashwin, the promising offspinner has been dropped for...guess who...Nehra, the dude who screwed up against South Africa and didn't play any game since then. Not a good start, I think. Nehra shouldn't have even been in the nets today. In the interim, a friend persuades me to come to Cosmo Cafe with him to watch the match- I am not so sure as I've faithfully watched all of India's world cup matches in our TV room, and don't want to jinx the occasion. My friend, however, leaves me no choice, and soon I'm in a huge hall with an equally enormous screen where the match is being telecast. The hall, however is full of people and we have no choice but to go to the back, which makes watching the score difficult. But when Sachin and Sehwag stroll out to the middle, that doesn't matter- nothing matters any more, but the cracking contest that is unfolding in front of us. Umar Gul has the new ball; he's known to be a strike bowler and a partnership breaker. Sehwag takes guard to him. This is a bit surprising, but I've never been anxious while watching Sehwag bat; maybe it's because his naturally attacking game always gives bowlers a chance to get him out; or maybe because all of my focus is at the other end. I've always been a fan of Sachin ever since my childhood days. Over the years he has become a run-scoring phenomenon, combining his aggressive strokeplay with dogged defence to become almost un-outable, as Ricky Ponting once put it. It's a fact that Sachin's biggest fans are the most nervous when he bats, and so am I. Sachin has been in tremendous form in this world cup, as in other world cups, and this is what scares me. Maybe the law of averages will catch up with him, a traitorous part of my mind whispers. Sachin plays out his first ball. I breathe a sigh of relief. The first two overs are quiet. Then Sehwag decides that enough is enough. Umar Gul is flicked through midwicket, worked away past square leg, smashed through point and bludgeoned away through cover, all in the space of 6 deliveries, as Viru goes beserk. 21 runs in one over(Five fours). Me and the crowd, both at Mohali and in Cosmo Cafe, are out of their seats. The Paki bowlers are feeling the heat-memories of world cup 2003 are coming back to haunt them,as good-length balls outside off-stump are sent screaming to the fence by the best hand-eye coordination in the world today. Sachin gets into the act, playing a gorgeous cover drive that sends the ball effortlessly to the boundary. We are up and running. The party doesn't last long, however, as Wahab Riaz, a greenhorn, traps Sehwag in front. I'm not surprised, but I do feel a twinge of pain, as Viru goes back to the pavilion. Gambhir comes in and the pace slows down- consolidation is the buzzword. Meanwhile Sachin hits a few boundaries to maintain the run-rate. Suddenly there's an LBW shout against him- it's out- I am devastated-No wait, it's not! He takes the review and the ball's comfortably missing leg; I join the bandwagon and abuse the umpire. It's not over-the very next ball, he's almost stumped. I keep my head down after that. I can't bear to watch Sachin batting, I am too nervous. He's not in the rythm today. for some reason, he seems to be struggling. He's dropped four times...wtf is Pakistan doing...Afridi cannot believe it, I cannot believe it, nobody can. Meanwhile Gambhir departs- Kohli comes in and looks unconvincing-the run rate begins to drop....this was supposed to be a batting pitch-whats happening now-I wonder.
Wahab Riaz returns and dismisses Kohli. Yuvraj comes in, takes guard and is clean bowled by a 148 kph yorker first ball. I am now officially in shock, and so is his home crowd. Dhoni comes in. More consolidation. Sachin gets out after scoring 85 workmanlike runs-atleast nobody can say he failed now can they. Dhoni follows. Raina and Bhajji start to attack, but i figure it's too late, 'cos 300 is out of reach. We end up at 260, thanks to Raina, but hope is scarce, 'cos it's d same score dat we chased against d aussies in the quarters.
        I'm back in my hostel now. The Paki innings starts. Kamran Akmal hits Zak for two fours in the first over. That's it, I think. We are going to lose. I go back to my room. A bowling attack that can't defend 338 has no chance to defend 260, I think, especially with Munaf and Nehra in the team. I go back to my room and start watching a movie, checking the score online every five minutes. We take a wicket. And then another. There is some hope in me now. They are going at 4.5 runs per over. Decent, but not nearly enough to win. i go for dinner in an almost empty mess. I come back, and see that Pakistan have reached 100. The commentators reckon that it's smooth sailing for them now. I start losing hope. Yuvraj, that swashbuckler comes in and takes a wicket. Not one but two. The TV Room erupts in a roar. Hope is restored. They have gone from 103/2 to 104/4. We have a chance. The next few overs are tight. Then Umar Akmal decides to target Yuvraj. His next two overs go for 21 runs. I am scared, and the TV room is silent. Umar is a dangerous player. We have to get him out. They have reached 143/4. it's now or never. Dhoni replaces Yuvi with Bhajji. He immediately responds by clean-bowling Umar Akmal. 143/5. Cheers fill the air again. Razzaq comes in. My God, do the Pakis bat deep. There is a partnership, but their run rate is less. They need 8 per over now. Munaf has been a revelation in this match. he has bowled with fire and passion, and the Pakis haven't been able to get him away. He cleans up Razzaq with a beauty. Yet another example of players giving their best in India-Pakistan games. Afridi comes in and immediately hits a four. Everyone's one the edge of their seats. However, Nehra and the spinners keep him quiet, and the run rate climbs again to 9 an over. Bhajji comes back, and Afridi holes out in the deep. I am relieved-now I feel that we have the match in the bag. They need 61 runs in 5 overs with 3 wickets left. Due to some superb bowling by Zak and Nehra(!), that becomes 51 in 3. Misbah finally wakes up from his test match-induced sleep and goes aerial, hitting 14 runs in Zaheer's penultimate over. It's too late, however, and too much milk has been spilt. Zak comes back for the last over. They need 30 in 6 balls, then 30 in 5, then in 4. Misbah can't stand the humiliation anymore. He holes out to long on. India has won!!! The TV  is blocked by atleast 100 people standing up and going beserk, cheering their heroes and celebrating India's entry into the World Cup Final. BLEED BLUE!! is the phrase! At the presentation, both captains are all smiles. Sachin is, fittingly, the man of the match, for his battling innings in difficult conditions. There is pandemonium at KC. Indian flags are out. There is dancing, screaming, yelling, and a generally ingnoring the Campus Patrol. India 5 Pak 0. This is the record in world cups. It has been maintained for the past two decades, and is now one of the constants in world cricket. I won't be sleeping tonight.  Today has been a spectacle of cricket. A great advertisement for the game and for India- Pak relations. The Sri Lankans await at aamchi Mumbai. All I can say is....GO INDIA GO!!!!!

Maryada Purshottam Rama

He had been prepared to fight, to battle any number of opponents, wage war single-handedly if need be. He had been unalarmed by the flying mountain, by the giant sea-serpent; he'd expected resistance, fighting, bloodshed. But this was a war for which he had no armour. A battle that he was not prepared for. Yet he fought. His head reeled, his senses swam. He was lost, lost in a world not of his understanding, succumbing to a struggle against which he had no means of retaliation. Then a single word swam to the surface of his beleaguered mind:
Rama
He repeated it, felt it's graceful syllables on his mind's tongue
Rama
It brought solace. The ocean paused in its churning turmoil, the flood abated a brief instant, the quicksand ceased its relentless sucking. He recited it with adoring respect, like a mantra against unseen evils.
Ramaramaramarama........
The sound of his own voice was like the gasp of a drowning man after regaining the surface, gulping in his first breath of air after long moments of agony.
He repeated it again, firmer and more resolute.
Rama!
The hordes seeking to pull him down, drag him into the depths of hell itself, drew back fearfully. The hands clutching at him fell away.
Rama, he said, softly, reverentially.
And flexed his body.
They fell away like shackles unchained, drawing away from the source of light.
RAMA!
He boomed, his voice expanding to fill the vast Cavern of Sin. They were screaming now, unable to bear the sound of the Forbidden name. He repeated it over and over, relishing his power over them, at the manner in which each repetition leached the lust out of this hellish place, leaving it a little cleaner, less impure.
Hanuman sat up, then rose to his feet.
" I AM THE SERVANT OF LORD RAMA WHO ACCOMPLISHES HIS GOALS AGAINST ANY AND ALL ODDS!"

"MARYADA PURSHOTTAM RAMA!"